Should You Ask Your Baby Before Changing Their Diaper? A Controversial Expert Opinion That’s Sparking Debate

In the ever-evolving world of parenting, new ideas often pop up that challenge traditional thinking. But one recent suggestion has really stirred the pot: should parents ask for their baby’s consent before changing a diaper?

Yes, you read that right.

This debate took off when Australian “sexuality educator” Deanne Carson made a bold statement suggesting that the foundation of consent should start as early as birth. In an interview, she explained that even something as routine as a diaper change could be an opportunity to teach children about bodily autonomy and mutual respect.

Now, obviously, babies can’t respond with a “yes” or “no.” They can’t speak, and they don’t have the capacity to fully understand what’s going on. But Carson’s point is less about actual permission and more about building habits of respectful communication from the start.

She encourages parents to pause before changing a diaper, saying something like, “I’m going to change your diaper now, is that okay?” The goal isn’t to wait for a reply, but to create a moment of connection, to make eye contact, and to read the baby’s body language. This, Carson believes, tells the child that their responses—verbal or not—matter.

In her view, it’s about setting the tone early. “Of course, a baby isn’t going to respond, ‘Yes mum, that’s awesome, I’d love to have my nappy changed,’” Carson told Australia’s ABC network. “But if you leave a space and wait for body language, and wait to make eye contact, then you are letting that child know their response matters.”

The idea aligns with existing parenting advice that stresses the importance of responding to a baby’s non-verbal cues—coos, giggles, or frowns. It’s not about asking permission the way adults do, but about introducing the idea of personal space and communication.

However, not everyone is on board. Critics have quickly labeled this approach as extreme, even ridiculous.

Rowan Dean, editor of The Spectator Australia, dismissed the idea entirely, calling it “lefty lunacy.” And John Rosemond, a parenting columnist and psychologist, didn’t hold back either. He wrote in the Reno Gazette Journal that Carson’s idea might win the “Most Bizarre Idea of All Time,” claiming it creates “a family culture of confusion, mistrust, denial and all-around dysfunction.”

The internet, unsurprisingly, had a field day.

One user mocked the concept with sarcasm: “Pretty sure when a baby is crying due to the discomfort of a full diaper… that’s consent. In fact, I’d go further and call it a demand.”

Another chimed in, “A self-proclaimed ‘expert’ wants parents to ask permission before changing their child’s diaper. This tells me she has no experience with kids whatsoever.”

And a third snarkily added, “Do you get consent from your cat before changing the litter box? No. If it stinks, change it. Same with a baby!”

Others were more concerned about the implications. One post even accused Carson of promoting dangerous ideas, saying, “Leaving a child in a dirty nappy is legally recognised as child abuse. Is she suggesting abuse? That’s more dangerous than the anti-vaccine crowd!”

So what’s the real issue here? Is this truly about consent, or are we misunderstanding the point?

Interestingly, not all responses were negative. Some people defended Carson, arguing that her message had merit—even if the diaper example was a bit much.

“I’m seriously shocked at the negative response,” one person wrote. “Babies and toddlers learn to communicate well before they can speak. Even if she’s wrong, what possible harm is there in showing respect?”

Another added, “I think she’s trying to start a conversation about consent among kids, but using babies as the example took it too far. Babies can’t consent to anything. They’re babies!”

And that may be the heart of the matter. For many, the idea of “asking consent” isn’t literal—it’s symbolic. It’s about modeling respect, reinforcing a sense of agency, and nurturing a strong bond of trust between parent and child. It’s not about waiting for a green light before wiping a baby’s bum—it’s about how we interact, even when doing the basics.

Ultimately, this comes down to parenting style. Some parents may appreciate the gentle mindfulness that comes with this approach. Others may find it unnecessary, or even absurd. And both can be valid.

But it does raise a bigger question: what does it mean to respect our children, even from the earliest moments of life? And how might small gestures of acknowledgment shape the way they understand boundaries, communication, and trust as they grow?

Whether you’re rolling your eyes or nodding in agreement, this conversation is clearly striking a chord.

So what do you think?
Is asking a baby’s “permission” before a diaper change a thoughtful parenting tool—or an over-the-top idea gone too far?

Let us know your thoughts and share this with someone who’d love (or hate) to weigh in!